Tips for when you’re missionary service ends earlier than expected

Welcome home! You’re probably reading this article because you or someone you loved has returned home from your/their missionary service due to the global COVID-19 pandemic. I originally began writing this when I returned home from my own missionary service earlier than expected due to mental illness. But I got distracted by other projects (i.e. school, marriage, fatherhood) and it fell to the back burner. But with the surge of missionaries coming home I felt compelled to dust off my notes and share some thoughts about coming home earlier than expected. I readily acknowledge that the reasons for coming home are different than I experienced, but I believe there are some common principles that may prove helpful and even comforting as you deal with the myriad of emotions you may be experiencing.

Tips for missionaries 

Acknowledge your feelings
You’ve spent the past several months on a spiritual high. Now you’re coming back to the “real world” and the emotions that come with it: disappointment, anger, confusion, amongst others. This is normal and this is okay. The scriptures often highlight prophetic experiences, yet mixed in are natural human emotions that we sometimes overlook. For example 2 Nephi 4 outlines Nephi’s delights and sorrows, In Moses 1, the prophet returns to his “natural strength” after coming down from his visionary experience with the Lord. Your story and experiences will be unique but look to these stories as a reminder that it’s okay to acknowledge your feelings.

Share what you’re feeling 
Isolation is one of the greatest tools of the adversary. Now that you’ve returned, he is anxiously awaiting to isolate you. Build a network of friends, family and trained health care professionals when needed to support you in this transition. What you say doesn’t have to be eloquent, lengthy, or well thought out. It only has to be what you’re feeling. Your loved ones are anxious to support you. Let them.

Let the Lord define success 
The ugly monster of comparison is likely to rear its head. You may compare length of service or leadership titles without realizing it. But remember, the Lord’s measure of success is different than the world’s. Just as we don’t measure success in the number of baptisms, we shouldn’t measure our success in the number of months served. In this dispensation alone the length of service has varied from a few months to many years. If you find that including the number of months in describing your service is impeding your ability to feel the Lord’s great love for you and your sacrifice, remember these scriptures,

“My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.” 

Isaiah 55:8-9

“For the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.”

1 Samuel 16:7

Practice patience
Adapting to your new “normal” takes time, probably longer than you would like. You’re going to experience a variety of emotions. You may feel excited for the future, or anxious about the current health and economic environment. You might be sad about being home while at the same time happy about spending time with family. More than likely you’ll experience a mixture of emotions on the same day and sometimes at the same time. Amidst all of this be patient with yourself, your emotions and your family.



Tips for Family and Friends

Allow them to be disappointed
Anytime something is cut short it’s natural to feel disappointed. This is normal for those who have come home early and they may feel guilty for feeling this way. Your support can be a source of strength. Invite them to talk, but don’t force it. Your missionary isn’t used to focusing on themselves, so open the door for conversation but acknowledge it may take time.

Send love and congratulations... from a distance
While continuing to follow health department guidelines shower your missionary with love and congratulations. A few tips for congratulatory messages:

Celebrate them and their service.

• “Well done! I’m so proud of you!”

Acknowledge their personal growth.

• “I’ve noticed that you are very patient with your siblings. I really love that!”
• I admire the way you study the scriptures with real intent.”

Avoid questions or mention of titles, number of baptisms or time served. This can inadvertently equate success in ways that can promote shame or unhealthy comparison.

• “So, how many people did you baptize?”
• “Were you an assistant to the president?”

Personally, I remember when I came home my bishop found me, gave me a big hug and said, “You did it!” He made no mention to all of the comparisons I was making in my mind. He simply celebrated me and my success. This made a world of difference to me then and still impacts me today.

Be patient with your missionary
Each missionary adapts in their own time. Some may jump right back into life without blinking an eye while others may need months or longer to find their fit. Help them balance maintaining the momentum of what they’ve experienced and who they’ve become with their new assignment to serve in a different way.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I hope these thoughts help some perspective and encouragement as you and your loved ones adapt to the challenges of coming home early. May you feel the great love that I know our Father has for each of us and his joy in your faithful service.